On December 13 (Friday), I was laid off from my job at a title insurance company. My job was, basically, to insure that Chase had first dibs to screw a borrower over when they defaulted on their loans. Chase wanted to get to the borrowers first before the Department of Making Dead Beat Dads and/or the IRS got a chance to suck ’em dry. It was a job that paid the bills and allowed me to buy and do some fun things this past year:
- Went to Portland and Seattle and all the cool places in between with my good friend Janna
- Bought a turn table system and a bunch of cool vinyl records (my favorites so far have been the new albums from Tedeschi Trucks Band, Lissie, White Denim, and John Mayer. I also got some great classic albums from John Coltrane, Kenny Burrell, Ry Cooder, and The Gza)
To be honest, I was more relieved and then devastated after being laid off. No more dreading the morning traffic to spend eight hours at a soul-destroying job that contributed nothing to society. I met some fun people at work who made the day bearable:
- N, who was so funny with his sarcastic one-liners during our pointless meetings with our supervisors.
- S, a vivacious Latina who was funny and kind.
- St, who was mysterious and quirky. How did she have sparkles of grey in those brown eyes?
- M, a gregarious guy who could get everyone to laugh. He also had a heart of gold.
- Ma, a tiny little thing with the great voice (I have a thing for voices), caramel eyes, and fury that was buried by our mutually-shared mediocrity. It would sting me every time she brought up her boyfriend.
I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I don’t even know if I still want to be a therapist – even though I now owe that bitch Sallie Mae over $180K. I am trained to help alcoholics and drug addicts get their lives back together but I can’t even keep a job for more than two years. I think there’s something wrong with that. I can’t say that I’ve totally lost hope in starting my therapy career because maybe I’m moving this hope to something else. Although, I slowly understanding that I don’t have to have my shit together to have some kind of meaningful impact on other people. But for now, I’ve been watching a ton of movies (The Secret Life of Walter Mitty was a revelation, Pain and Gain sucked like no other), taking long walks and eating soup.
Starting over is like playing Grand Theft Auto V and having the power go out without getting to save. Oh yeah, and you didn’t have the auto-save option on. I’ve had to do it before after failed relationships and failed attempts to get a job after finishing grad school. I think it’s different this time. My parents seem to be more intentional in showing me support, especially my mom. She didn’t seem to be worried that I have no plan right now. She didn’t even get upset when I told her that I don’t want to find a job right away. I think we’re beginning to understand each other. I’m helping her buy a tablet. What is going on in the world?
I watched The Lifeguard shortly after being let go. It’s such a relevant film. Kristen Bell’s character goes home to her parents’ home after the end of an affair (she was involved with Dr. Suresh from Heroes) and quitting a dead-end job. She went back home, wreaked some havoc, smoked weed, and then started to believe in something better than what she had. I hope that a similar destination of self-discovery is in store for me. I’ll try to be less lazy, less passive, and sign up for archery lessons.