Friday fuck off

I walked into the office today with a sense of dread of what awaited me on my paper-laden desk and cluttered email inbox. Much of what I had to do today was put off for about two days. I put off these tasks with a bowl of oatmeal – cinnamon and brown sugar added – and a cup of tea. I don’t think I’ll ever get these things done and I scour my inbox for easier tasks to finish while I plan my escape or daydream about the day when I’m terminated from employment. Microsoft Outlook has no windows – it is a pixelated prison cell for the unambitious.

The two hours that elapse when I take my break are filled with prayer and curses. They are desperate and serene. The patio furniture and potted plants conceal me from my co-workers who play video games on their phones and smoke flavored vapor. The smartphone that threatens to slip from my hand burns my eyes with baby pictures and statuses about new jobs and cleanse diets. I slip my phone back into pocket and slip back into my cubicle and pretend like I didn’t take a 30 minute break. I am honing my skill at wasting time.
Who can survive $18 an hour, air-conditioned oxygen, and work redundancies? The desperate and serene, remember? If you want to join the ranks of this special community, you’ll have to refrain from certain activities. I’ll explore them in the coming weeks. I’ll start with this: listen to your parents’ expectations and plans for your life. If you want to join the restless and directionless workforce, then do what I just said. You will end up sitting in similar patio furniture while shaded by potted plants. Just remember to not sit near me. I like my patio furniture for myself.

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